Unpublished (until now)

sleepless nights in hospital would give you plenty of time to be;
scared,
depressed,
thinking wild,
wondering ifs,
calculating maybes,
imagining weird happenings,
wishing things to be happier, easier.

how is it possible that everything you never think about,
you think about,
on a single night.

questioning
everything.

second guessing,
every single decision you make.

writing,
each and every single possibility
of how the story would be ending.

wondering,
what if Angel of Death messed up the room number when He picked up the patient next door that passed away half an hour ago.
what if Life is just level 1?
what if there is nothing afterwards?
what if there is something afterwards?

that's when I lift up my hand, and whisper
every secret prayer
every selfish wish
every fear I can't bear

hoping that when my eyes finally cooperate,
and I could wink a sleep tonight
I would open them again the next morning.

in case you're wondering why

there's something wrong

about me not using any commas or fullstops
completely aware that this willl not be a pretty post
but keep on going

Cinta, Tuhan, Hidup dan Sampah

The best things in world will never be definable. Cinta dan Tuhan misalnya. Mengutip kata Dewi Lestari,

Pengalaman, bukan penjelasan. Perjalanan, bukan tujuan. Pertanyaan, yang sungguh tak berjodoh dengan segala jawaban.

Atau hidup. Ah, ini topik favorit saya.

Saya bisa saja mengatakan bahwa tidak ada sperma yang terpilih dan terseleksi lalu menjadi percuma. Tidak. Kamu tidak diciptakan sia-sia, kamu diciptakan untuk menjadi sesuatu. Kamu berharga, bukan sekedar satu dari enam milyar jiwa. Dan Tuhan, begitu cintanya padamu. Dia memastikan jantungmu tetap berdetak.. sementara kamu? Siapa sih kamu? Kamu bahkan lebih kecil dari debu antariksa, siapapun bisa meninggal setiap harinya, kenapa bukan kamu? Kenapa sesudah kamu berbuat dosa, atau sesuatu yang mengesalkan Tuhan, Ia tidak langsung mencabut nikmatNya yang dititipkan padamu? Atau sekalian saja, nyawamu?
Lalu perlahan, kamu bisa saja akan makin bersyukur. Lalu perlahan kamu mungkin merasa terinspirasi dan berterima kasih. Dan cepat atau lambat, terbentuk di benakmu bahwa saya adalah seseorang yang baik dan positif.

Lalu bagaimana ketika saya mengatakan bahwa Tuhan kita adalah penulis di sebuah buku cerita bernama realita. Dia akan mengatur setiap jengkal langkah dan setiap huruf yang keluar dari mulut maupun tangan kita. Dia akan menetapkan dengan cermat seluruh sebab dan akibat, memberikan peran tanpa berdiskusi, si A akan menjadi tokoh antagonis, si B adalah si tertindas, dan si C adalah sang pahlawan. Pada tanggal ini, jam ini, di tempat ini, kamu akan tergoda Iblis dan melakukan perbuatan yang tak termaafkan, lalu sepuluh hari kemudian kamu akan meninggal tanpa sempat bertaubat, dan kamu akan masuk neraka.
Seems.. Unfair? Lah, mau protes sama siapa? Orang kita cuma ciptaan, buatan, harus tunduk sama Bos dari segala Bos dong.
Sampai di poin ini, alismu akan mulai berkerut, kamu mulai berpikir dua kali untuk berkunjung lagi di blog ini, dan jelas, citra positif itu pudar sama sekali.

Saya, atau siapapun juga, cuma bisa berteori. Bisa, bahkan bukan berarti berhak.
Hidup cuma bisa dijalani sebaik-baiknya dengan terus melihat ke depan.
Dan dimengerti sebaik-baiknya dengan sesekali melihat ke belakang.
Kamu adalah pencipta definisimu sendiri. Kamu berhak memasukkan kata sifat 'Tidak Adil', 'Menyebalkan', 'Ironis', 'Penuh Kejutan', bahkan 'Sempurna'.
Kamu juga yang akan memilih sikap apa yang akan kamu pakai untuk menghadapinya. Keras dan ambisius? Tegar dan menomorduakan perasaan? Menganalisa setiap tindakan? Menikmati setiap jengkal hidup -lagi, definisikan sendiri soal ini- atau mengalir seperti air?

Kamu boleh memilih menjadi orang yang sepenuhnya baik, sepenuhnya jahat, setengah-setengah, atau menentukan sifatmu sesuai dengan apa yang kamu hadapi. Dan kamu bisa memilih. Tidak ada orang yang terlahir dengan hati kapas atau batu. Semua soal proses dan penerimaan.

Ah ya, jika saya boleh memberi sedikit saran, -saran yang sudah jelas tidak saya lakukan tapi tetap saya rekomendasikan. 
Minimalkan menceritakan sesuatu pada orang lain, apalagi berulang-ulang.
Terutama masalah, bahasa saya: sampah.
Jika sampah itu ternyata ringan, orang akan menganggapmu lemah. Lebay, bahkan.
Jika sampah itu ternyata berat, orang akan menganggapmu mencari perhatian.
Lebih parah, mensyukuri hal itu.

Bahkan menceritakan kebahagiaan? Wah, ada ribuan pencemburu di luar sana kawan. Dan kalaupun ada pendengarnya, percayalah, mereka cepat bosan.

Saya termasuk seseorang yang sering menyampah, padahal saya tau saya lebih dari mampu untuk mendaur ulangnya terlebih dulu. I'm working on that now, actually. Karena saya bercerita way way too much.
Tapi mungkin, dengan mengenal saya, kamu bisa sedikit lebih bersyukur? Mungkin kamu nggak selebay saya, atau kamu bukanlah attention-whore kurang kerjaan yang menulis hal semacam ini di internet, atau kamu merasa tidak semenyedihkan saya, atau entahlah, sedikit banyak ada yang bisa dipelajari dari spesies ini?

Last, I want you guys to know that,
Everybody is struggling.
Semua orang berjuang.
Semua orang bertahan hidup.
Semua orang mempunyai perang yang harus, atau ingin, mereka menangkan.

Entah hal ini patut disadari, disyukuri, atau hanya pengingat bahwa kamu nggak sendiri.
KAMU adalah yang mendefinisi, memilih, menjalani, dan menentukan apapun yang ada di hidupmu.

Good luck with yours, wish me luck with mine.

41472196 seconds.. And still counting..

No, it's not about how long I been with someone or anything. Sorry to disappoint you guys.

(i know it's been awhile since my last post in this blog. I don't feel like blogging lately, but uh. I kinda need a place where i can put all my mind without being judged. Well, paper seems a bit boring because they dont talk to you nor answer your question though. And yes, i'm aware that i can't really assume my readers will always love every single posting of mine, but still, i feel safer here).

I'm posting from Singapore by the way, it's almost my 16th month here. That's what I'm about to talk about. Confused? Me too.

There's some part of me that changed, definitely. I didn't censor my F word with stars anymore like I did a year back, that's one. I still censor my B word though, sometimes..

My English got a lot better but fyeah alhamdulillah I still keep my indonesian-american accent. Sorry, but singlish is just not cool.

I've improved my cooking skill as well! Thanks to Laura Vitale, Gordon Ramsay, Chef John, What's For Lunch Honey and Dessert For Breakfast :3 I've learn lots of new dishes, especially Italian and British. I'll put some recipes and step-by-steps someday, promise ^^ and oh I'm too lazy to put up any links, that's what google are for, yes?

i've made lots of new friends, awesome ones, 'different' ones, annoying ones, you name it. Got chances to get to know some inspiring people as well (:

I've been through my hard times. When i started losing faith, postponed and even missed some of my prayers without feeling guilty. I broke my promise to my parents to continuously reciting Quran everyday, fall asleep without praying, and stuff like that. Thank God I'm still pork-free. However, I've become myself again these days, looking forward to be better too actually, let's see how it goes.

Another hard time is when I dont feel I'll ever find a true friend here. Just so you know, to me, it's still Indonesians who have have the best sincere smile among the others. No matter if they're javanese, chinese, they will be true to you. I've tried involving myself to their conversation and it really is difficult to keep up with them for more than half an hour without talking about others. In bad way, yes.
At first I thought Singaporeans are very individual, cuek, and just minding their own business only. That might be true in some ways, where they will be busy on their phones, not paying attention to their surroundings, even if there's some unusual case (like when there's a guy with very huge blue kribo hair enter the MRT or when I took off my 15cm heels after wearing it for almost 7 hours on my way home -it feels good to walk barefoot! I should try it more often!) people will only give it a glance and then look away. Quite frankly, I'm surprised people give no damn about those stuffs, but when it's actually about their friends.. Whoa. They can talk about anything, their sense of fashion, their 80's haircut, their not so fair skin, their pimples, anything. And don't pull that bullshit to me that i still can be good friends with them ignoring that fact. i do know what kind of reaction these people expect. Definitely not answers like, "Hahaha, i don't know.. i don't think she's that weird actually.." or "hehe, umm.. Don't you think it's kinda mean?"
No. Just No.

Indonesian friends.. Yes our people are still the best. At least I can laugh with them, being silly and goofy together, talk about simple things in our daily life, movies, songs, admit some weird fact about me, until share deep thoughts. I found some people that truly mean a lot to me. The awesomeness we share are priceless and I never regret that. However, I do have to adapt with them as well though. I'm a typical house person. I dont hang out much, actually, and i'm not really into malls. I prefer some kind of real refreshing like adventuring around, or go into some really new places and take pictures, watching people, write and sketch something about it, and getting inspired. Moreover, I'm the only kid in my family, so my mom and dad are quite protective. I have to be home by 9 or less than that. My mom even sometimes still reluctant to allow me to go out with friends, even only go out for lunch or movies. Well yeah, just my mom being a mom.
Anyway, living in Singapore totally change that. I've went out til late, til morning sometimes. In some occassions i did enjoy that, because i did have a good time. But there are some of them that i sort of regret because it's just not worth my time. I din't even put my whole self there. I was staying only to be polite, or because I want them to think I'm that kind of 'fun' person. Yeah, that was stupid. Nevermind, I learn my lesson.

What else? Damn, this is a freakin long post. And even worse, I posted it from my iPad because my laptop is having trouble with its wifi adapter or something, haven't repaired it yet. Why is it worse? because I can't upload any picture except I inserted the URL -which for that it's still need to be uploaded, duh. And I'm not an apple person anyway, so, yeah, I dont find this thing is that magnificient or anything.

So, that's about it. I'm feeling a lot better now. Overall, I did not regret my decision to move here, there are some positive side though, like me being more independet, get to know 9gag, visiting some awesome places and finding lots of cute stuffs I didnt find in Indonesia, being a tour guide, and oh for real I did not regret anything at all okay? I just want to be graduated as soon as possible and leave this country As Fucking Soon As Possible.
I'm sure i'm not gonna bother missing it tho, maybe just the freedom, and MRT, and the internet connection.
And Desigual.
And the distros, maybe?

See, look at me and my funny brain.

liberté

..or freedom, in english.

i gotta say life is wonderful, love is wonderful.

family, friends, guys, all are wonderful.

and relationship? are wonderful as well.

but once we create that bond, -or someone created that for us and we can't say no- and commit ourselves to whatever or whoever it is, we have to -much or less- sacrifice this one.

one does not simply live by their own, aren't they? *heck yes, i'm a 9gagger.

however, being far from your family and old friends, also being single, aint all pathetic. trust me.

you'll have the chance to breath.

you'll have the chance to think.

you'll have the chance to learn new things.

you'll have the chance to plan.

you'll have the chance to create.

and most importantly,

you'll have the chance to miss everything you were missing out.

still,

i need new goals.

ah it's been awhile. sorry for my followers, and sorry for those who already left their footprints, i'll get my ass there *on your blogs, i mean, dont take it seriously wrongly* as soon as i have spare time. thanks for visiting, by the way, i'm honored. rly :)

what's new? i just started my new term 2 days ago and i have good feeling about this, thank god. and yah, so far i keep my promises and also keep making new ones, i need to be a better person. for real. better moslem, better child, better student, better girl, better friend, better team mate, better worker -ah ya, i work on some projects, wish me luck xD-

i just wanna share something, 2 years ago, i was really inspired by a blog of one of my senior. and i promise myself: i'll make a blog and make it as good as hers. i created blogger account, customize it, keep it updated, promote it to friends, write some good stuffs, join some bloggers club such as #KK -and met inspiring people there-, until now, i got more followers than her *alhamdulillah* and look what i've done to this blog? neglect it. and so so sorry about that, i promise i'll write more, both in english and indonesian.

i mean, at first i'm kinda proud of myself, and realize that i need some motivation to keep growing, new challenges, new tests, new competitors maybe, i can't get motivated only by myself. however, because my 2011 has been great, i met lots of new awesome friends -and guys, got new unforgettable experiences, got what i always wanted: freedom. i started to enjoy my life to the fullest, started to love myself for who i am, being grateful, and don't give a damn about other people's life.

is it good? abso-freakin-lutely.
but then i think i get kinda decreased, i mean, my skill, energy, creativity, innovation, all those good things i used to have when i actually have a goal.

just few days ago, i found a blog of an indonesian student schooling in singapore. she is a writer, a fuckin good writer, i'm not bullshitting. her vocabs, her tone, gosh i'm jealous to death. and she also reads. great books, which also totally inspires me a lot.

and there she is, a new idol -if i may say- a new inspiration even though i dont know her personally, never met her before but she friends with lots of friends of mine. what can i say? her popularity is undebatable.
should i make a new goal, to be a better writer in english, learn more and more and more vocabularies, start to really work on my grammar since my english isn't good enough yet (my english stays in mediocre level compared to my friends here in Singapore, you know, dont say that i'm exaggerating things). and yeah, i also have some other people to look up to, i got a super smart friend from India -seriously, remembering him and all of his A+ helps me a lot to study more and reach better scores (i still got some Bs, wish me luck again).

it's almost the end of 2nd month of 2012, and i havent reach anything yet except i spend more time with my family and start to love them more *which for me, it's quite an achievement. i'll read more good books, write more, spend time on internet browsing thru websites that are actually resourceful, pray more, smile and laugh more, and finding out who i am because i'm not quite sure yet.

sorry for the long post, but hey,
i'm totally ready.

kalo dikasih judul ntar norak

aku ingin mengenalkan kalian pada beberapa orang penting. semoga, akan selalu penting. nama? nah yang itu, tidak penting :) you guys know who you are.

pada dasarnya kami hanya lima orang di dua meja yang disatukan, beberapa gelas kopi, dan obrolan. bergiliran satu demi satu dari kami menjadi poros, dan terkadang kami dengan sukarela terpisah menjadi dua grup. simpel karena perbedaan kata. perbedaan cerita. lalu bersatu lagi dengan tawa. tanpa rasa bersalah, tanpa ada yang harus meminta maaf ataupun dimaafkan.

dari mereka, aku belajar.
tentang teori dan teknik fotografi yang kadang hanya mampu aku dengarkan tanpa satupun terserap.
tentang judul-judul buku menarik yang dengan sigap aku catat, tanpa tau kapan akan kubaca.
tentang ketegasan dalam memilih, yang kadang membuatku merenung sendiri.
tentang agama dan toleransi.
tentang pentingnya tertawa dan sekali-sekali melanggar peraturan. bahwa nakal, memang ada waktunya.
tentang cinta, semi tabu dibahas, wajib ditertawakan. tapi dibalik itu semua, kita sama-sama memetik makna.

akhirnya, sebuah pertanyaan yang tak pernah terjawab, kembali terlontar malam ini: apa bedanya mempertahankan cinta dalam persahabatan dengan mempertahankan persahabatan dalam cinta?
cerita yang klise, kan? bukan basi lagi, sudah busuk dan siap dipaket untuk dikirimkan ke setiap naskah dasar novel atau sinetron. tipikal.

padahal, seperti cinta yang abstrak, persahabatan juga tak berdefinisi.

mungkin, persahabatan tidak memerlukan drama yang menyertai.
mungkin, persahabatan sebenarnya tidak butuh janji.
mungkin, persahabatan sesungguhnya tidak perlu dipikirkan terlalu serius, hanya dijalankan dengan santai, dan ternyata ia bukan main-main.

bisa jadi ia hanya sesimpel meja, kopi dan obrolan.
atau selugas-jujur, "woi! gue bosen! entertain gue dong!"
atau sesederhana, "gila, makasih banget ya udah dengerin gue."

atau cuma dengan sebuah pelukan.
pelukan mendadak sambil tertawa dan loncat-loncat senang,
pelukan singkat dengan tepukan menegarkan di punggung,
pelukan dengan usapan lembut yang menenangkan isakan,
sampai pelukan erat dan lama yang enggan dilepaskan.


sesungguhnya, persahabatan itu mudah. karena itu, ia indah.

my quotes #part 2

venusaretha venus aretha / noni 

it's funny how once you become smart enough to leave, they become stupid enough to think that you'll stay. no matter how they treat you.

7 Nov 

venusaretha venus aretha / noni 

it's funny how people only realize what I've done to them after I stop doing it.

7 Nov 

venusaretha venus aretha / noni 

it's funny how people want you back and work for it right after you don't want them anymore.

7 Nov 

venusaretha venus aretha / noni 

Some girls are stupid, if some chick is flirting with ur man and he's flirting back with her you should be pissed off at him, not the girl.

7 Nov 

so.. i'm turning 17 hmm?

wohoooo gila udah lama banget sejak aku janji mau ngelanjutin teaser :/
..And it's already been more than 2 months since that night. Saturday, October 15 2011.

Soooo, saya sebenernya sempet sedikit kehilangan mood mau cerita ada apa di ulang tahun saya. Haha, mau nyebut sweet seventeen kok rasanya aneh gitu ya. Makanya jadi lama banget mau ngepost. Anyway, tetep harus saya ceritain juga sih karena udah janji ke beberapa orang.


Let's start then.

teaser.

stay tune. the story coming up soon (:

Keunyuan (?)

klise sebenarnya. ini adalah kisah tentang Cowok, Cewek, dan sesuatu yang disebut dengan Keunyuan. banyak variabel tambahan yang nantinya akan menjadi figuran, bahkan tiba-tiba menjadi pemeran utama di kisah ini juga -kandidat terkuat adalah sesuatu yang bernama Kegalauan. kenal kan?



anyway, siapa Keunyuan sebenarnya?
dia adalah.. sesuatu yang menggemaskan, tapi sebenarnya meresahkan.
sesuatu yang bikin lo speechless, nggaktau mau ngapain, but not in a bad way.
sesuatu yang buat gue, selalu pengen gue hindarin, tapi nggak bisa. too irresistible. too unyu.


oke, bingung? begini..

about something

life is ironically funny.

one of my favorite line ever.

there i was thinking for taking a rest.

not gonna make any stupid decision anymore or hurting anybody, or even worse, hurt myself.

but then there is this thing.

something that could be too right, but more impossible, it's too wrong.

in the end,
we only regret the chances we didnt take
the relationship we were afraid to have
and the decision we waited too long to make. 

but, somehow i think i just say that quote because it sounds kinda cool 0.0 (doesnt it? no? lol, okay)

i cant say that it's whole true because at the same time,

why would i wanna be in a relationship while i still have that single personality?

why would i begin to think to be with someone if i'm not sure whether i really want it, and whether he really wants it?

why would i wanna start something, when i'm not ready?

life is ironically funny,

just before i press the 'publish post' button, i saw a tweet.

one of the greatest quote from the brilliant Mark Twain,

twenty years from now on you'll be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did.

...
off to bed.
night (:

untitled

"Aku pengen ngerasain pacaran."

Itu adalah inti dari empat sms yang aku terima berturut-turut di minggu ini dari empat orang yang berbeda.

:"

i always feel like eventhough I try to wipe it, I try to make things clearer, it's still blurred anyway..

the content is temporarily (or permanently) deleted by the author

don't make me hate blogging.

i'm not here to please anybody.

i mean, yes, at some point i do want to make some people happy, and feeling comfortable, and all.

but this is not the way it supposed to be, this is wrong.

i start writing to be read.

which is not exactly what i wanted to and i planned to at the very first time.

this is my personal blog, my territory. i'm sorry, but it is.

you think you know me?

docmart, babe!

Oke, ada yang pernah denger nama ini sebelumnya? Dr. Martens, DocMart, DocMartens, Dr. Mart, whatever. Ayo ngomongin soal sejarah si sepatu berharga kisaran 1 - 5 jutaan ini dulu.

Dr Klaus Marten adalah seorang dokter tentara Jerman di era perang dunia II. Pada tahun 1945, ia mengalami cedera kaki. Ia kemudian memodifikasi sepatu boot-nya dengan lapisan kulit dan bantalan udara yg empuk. (just fyi, empuk sih empuk, tapi berat oi! Asli!) Setelah perang berakhir, dengan bekal pengalaman ini sang dokter mencoba menjual inovasinya. Ia mulai menjalankan sebuah perusahaan sepatu rumahan skala kecil di Jerman dengan bantuan seorang teman lamanya sewaktu kuliah.

DocMart Invasion: Dari London, menyeberang Eropa dan menduduki Dunia

Pada tahun 1960, sebuah perusahaan bernama Griggs Group membeli lisensi sepatu untuk dipasarkan di Inggris /UK. Perusahaan ini melakukan sedikit perbaikan dalam desainnya, membuat ciri khas berupa jahitan sol sepatu dengan benang warna kuning, dan melabeli sol dengan nama trade mark ‘Airwair’, lalu mulai memproduksi sepatu boot ini. Disinilah titik penting dalam sejarah sepatu sang dokter: Boot klasik Docmart-1490 untuk pertama kalinya menginjak pasar London.

Boot warna merah cherry yang desainnya nyaman dan praktis ini tenyata disukai oleh kalangan kelas pekerja (Boot pekerja men, udah baca kan? Boot pe-ker-ja! *sorry, this one is for you GAULers :p sori, kesel aja kalo banyak orang ikut-ikutan pake docmart dan berubah snob gara-gara itu. fashion nowadays berubah menjadi ajang show off kekayaan (ortu) masing-masing ckckck) Banyak sekali buruh pabrik, tukang pos, bahkan petugas polisi memakainya saat bertugas. Image sebagai sepatu milik common-people pun terbentuk secara alami.

Dan sepertinya, image itulah yg kemudian merebut perhatian anak muda dari kalangan sub-kultur punk. Pada akhir tahun 60-an, sepatu sang dokter ini banyak digunakan oleh komunitas skinhead Inggris dan genk-genk di jalanan.... Mereka punya kebiasan aneh, yaitu menyemir boot merah Docmart dengan semir warna hitam sampai warnanya jadi merah gelap dan mengkilap seperti kelereng/ gundu.

Lalu pada tahun 70-an sepatu ini makin populer karena banyak artis Punk Rock, Ska, Psychobillies, Goths, Industrialis, hardcore, straight-edge, Glam, bahkan New Wave yang memakainya. Dengan bantuan musisi-musisi itu, long-march yg dilakukan Docmart dari kota London menyebar ke seluruh dataran Inggris dan Eropa, lalu ke menginvasi dunia.

 Puncaknya di tahun 1900-an, sepatu Docmart berkembang menjadi trend yang menjangkiti semua orang, bukan hanya sub-kultur Punk saja. Ia menjadi industri besar. Alhasil, sebagian komunitas Skinhead sejati yang identik dengan spirit anti kemapanan dan anti kapitalisme mulai mempertanyakan brand sang dokter. Sebagian dari mereka mulai beralih ke merk pesaing Docmart, seperti Grinder, Ranger, Gripfast, dsb.

Tapi boot sang dokter terlanjur mencetak jejak solnya di wajah sejarah dunia. Docmart adalah sepatu yang menjadi legenda di dunia fashion anak muda. Ibaratnya ia seperti anthem yang pernah dinyanyikan oleh anak muda di seluruh dunia.. jauh sebelum era MTV, iTunes, Youtube dan Myspace.

Oke, Dr. Marten ini sekarang udah bejibun banget modelnya, ada sandal dan baju juga malah, tapi saya mau fokus sama bootnya aja. yang lagi hip banget itu desain floralnya *yeah, secara motif floral lagi ngetren banget.. helo? siapa yang dulu ngejekin itu motif emak emak? -___-* dari bahannya sendiri punya tekstur beda-beda. lumayan masuk akal sebenernya kalo ada yang cinta banget sama sepatu-sepatu ini sampe ngoleksi, tapi harganya itu lho.. duh. dan berat pula, waktu ditali pun butuh tenaga ekstra karena kulitnya dari kualitas bagus dan tebal. bukan jenis sepatu yang nyaman dilepas pake.

 *created this in polyvore, sorry this is kinda messy, it's late now here .__.* but i gotta admit, they're pretty nice aint they?

gue cuma punya satu sih, sebenernya gue pengen beli yang floral atau cotton candy. tapi biarpun lucu, itu terlalu.. common. temen gue yang punya dr. marten rata-rata punya yang tipe itu. sepatu ini dibeliin ortu *makasih ayah mama :) :* dan ternyata ini masuk yang limited edition. kenapa? solnya itu sodara-sodara. warnanya putih bersih. sol karetnya DocMart biasanya warna karet kuning sangat butek cenderung cokelat. punya saya itu setipe sama sepatu warna ungu di gambar kompilasi :3

tambahaan,,

lagi hip banget, tapi beratnya itu lhoo buset dah kaya ulekan sambel -,-

Hello there, Kitty!

Limited Lace Edition
serius. nggak boong. sumpah. naksir ..
TAPI KENAPA KAMU HARUS WARNA PINK?? .____.
well, i dont hate pink, but i dont love pink either.  and, i already got my sassy pink DocMart, remember? 

btw, kenapa sih kesambet bikin post ini? tumben? jadi cewek sekarang lo ven?

gue emang cewek .___.

sederhana, karena saya cinta sepatu. terutama sneakers, sepatu kanvas, Dr. Marten boots ini masih agak termasuk karena bertali. dan yang bikin saya lumayan amused sama sepatu ini adalah, dia bisa dibuat acara kasual dan formal. t-shirt, jeans and  hell yes, your boot will be stunning and stands out. put it with a dress, and you gotta be a huge attention stealer in a party.

someday i'll post some of my shoes and why i love them, i guess :p

dan, sekedar info, saya bukan penggemar stiletto :3

...

ia mengintai di balik tirai, memperhatikan momen ketika hatiku tertusuk, berdarah dan tercabik-cabik lalu tanpa kata dijahitnya tuntas.
aku tertegun, ia pergi tanpa menoleh lagi.

masa bergulir, hatiku yang sempat menghangat kembali membeku karena semunya semilir semi.
ia datang tanpa pertanda apa-apa dan menumbuhkan kembali bunga belukar di taman hatiku.
dan ia beranjak sebelum kata terima kasih sempat terlontar.

hari-hari merangkak, dan ketika pita gempita hatiku tercerai berai, ia dengan rapi menata dan melukisnya lagi dengan sembur pelangi. 
aku kembali terpana, kucekal tangannya sebelum ia berbalik pergi, dan suaraku lirih bertanya, "kenapa?"
ia menatapku lama, membiarkan aku mengecup udara mencekik seiring detik berdentum menunggu jawabnya.

"ini caraku mencintaimu."


-original by Venus Aretha

"i dont wanna hurt her." you just did.

boy, i'm a lil frustated here.
c'mon, tell me, what's so joyful, what's so interesting about making fun of a girl who loves you?
it's so freakin ridiculous that you don't wanna lose a fan, so you keep it. then you say, "i'm just being nice. you know, to a friend." or even that lame line, "i dont wanna hurt her."

man, sorry to say, your blabbering is bullshit.

if you don't like her from the very beginning, show her
if you think that you might like her, but not yet. tell her.
if you like another girl, avoid her. never make a girl a second choice, or even worse, make her a back-up plan.
if you don't wanna hurt her, don't hold her when she wants to move on or makes some distance.
and yes, idiot. you can still be friends, dont use that as your reason. be a gentleman. grow up. don't take her for granted.

last, if you want a friendship for benefits thingy or relationship without status, fine. but discuss it with her, is she okay with that? are you guys ready for the risk? no authority, no right of being jealous, it's about freedom,  and stuffs like that?
think as a man, not a little boy. such a shame of your age, dude.

"never show that you kinda have a thing for a girl while actually you dont. 
it's unfair that you keep waving from the bottom of the cliff, but when she fall for you, you run away, dont have any intention to catch her at all." - Venus Aretha

P.S. don't get me wrong. this is not my story, just inspired by three friends, who weirdly experience same cases today. hopefully it's not with the same guy.

novel?

seperti beberapa cewek pada umumnya, saya juga suka menulis kisah cinta remaja..
oke, sampe sini aja jijay banget ga sih bahasa gue -,- fine, gue mulai nulis cerpen waktu gue kelas 4 sd. yep, taun 2004. pernah nulis alay? pernah. pernah nulis sinteron mode: on? pernah. pernah nulis yang eyd nya ngawur sana sini dan bikin nggak enak dibaca? pernah juga.
terus SMP pertengahan lah, zaman seorang anak abg mulai sok gaul dan menghina-dinakan para alayers, saya ngebaca novel-novel lama saya dan sukses pingsan. ohmydear, itu asli alay tingkat dewa. akhirnya saya pensiun menulis cerita-cerita romantisme kaya gitu sekitar setahun dan beralih ke puisi (seenggaknya kalo di puisi kan boleh dramatis, ya nggak? *wink wink*)
baru waktu peralihan ke SMA saya mulai nyoba nulis novel lagi, salah satunya novel ini yang tidak selesai dan tidak akan pernah selesai :3 untuk orang itu, God bless you, brother! hahaha

lalu ini salah satu karya yang belum selesai juga, karena saya sekarang lebih banyak nulis dalam bahasa inggris tapi saya bertekad mau nyelesein ini karena endingnya udah di otak. yang mungkin tertarik baca, silahkan..

A 
(iya, judulnya 'A'. keberatan? :p)

part 1

part 2

dan untuk yang satu ini, termasuk salah satu karya 'terniat' saya yang direncanakan untuk menjadi 9 bab. bab 8 dan 9 selalu menciptakan kontroversial di kalangan temen-temen yang nggak terima sama endingnya, jadilah bab 8-9 bolong sana-sini. yang mau baca monggo, and let me know what you think, okay? ;)

The Heartbreakers

part 1

part 2

part 3

part 4

part 5 and 6

part 7

dimohon dengan sangat untuk tidak mengcopy dan mempaste sembarangan, copyright terlindungi (dengan doa dan amal perbuatan)

happy reading! :)


kalo udah capek baca mending segerin mata dulu pake yang artistik-artistik disini (warning: karya masih agak newbie haha)


..and guys, this is.. :')