i'm so sorry..

AGAIN :(

well guys i'm sorry *hugs* but i think this one is kinda serious. someone please remind me not to be bored with this blogging thingy :'

ketika notifikasi jadi rame :D

Jadi inget dulu waktu smp tiap deket deket mau lebaran pasti ada temen temen yang request minta dibikinin 'puisi minta maaf' *yang sedihnya ngga pernah kepikiran buat disimpen secara proper huks, udah pada ilang* lumayan bikin begadang sih, karena ada 5-6 orang yang request (plus 'puisi' saya sendiri) jadi harus beda-beda. tapi bangga juga rasanya kalo hari lebaran saya terima lagi puisi-puisi itu, bahkan beberapa ada yang copas dan nyebarin ke temen-temennya juga. ujung-ujungnya balik juga ke saya.

no credit? no payment? nggakmasalah, karena saya suka ngerjainnya hehe. apalagi waktu itu musim-musimnya sms lucu kaya yang operator sibuk itu (gila itu siapa ya kira kira yang pertama bikin, penasaran, menasional banget bung haha) jadi sms sms mutiara gitu kaya berharga banget, syahdu banget #apasih

sekaraaaang saya baru sadar, makin tahun makin kerasa kalo lebaran bener bener jadi perang kata-kata indah, sibuk copas sana sini, esensi minta maafnya sendiri jadi sedikit berkurang, pulsa abis gara-gara ngirim smsnya sampe 2-3 sms saking panjangnya, nggakpapa sih kalo memang niatnya 'membungkus' permintaan maaf yang tulus itu dengan manis, asal memang tujuan utamanya itu, bukan untaian formalitas belaka.

anyway, curhatannya udah dulu ah haha
ini intinya :)

saya ingin meminta maaf dengan sederhana,
lewat sebaris kata-kata tanpa pulsa
saya ingin meminta maaf dengan sederhana,
karena saya bukan pujangga ;)

selamat lebaran! ♥

p.s. saya masih beristirahat :P
ada exam abis gini huaa doakan yaaa :D

don't make me hate blogging.

i'm not here to please anybody.

i mean, yes, at some point i do want to make some people happy, and feeling comfortable, and all.

but this is not the way it supposed to be, this is wrong.

i start writing to be read.

which is not exactly what i wanted to and i planned to at the very first time.

this is my personal blog, my territory. i'm sorry, but it is.

"i dont wanna hurt her." you just did.

boy, i'm a lil frustated here.
c'mon, tell me, what's so joyful, what's so interesting about making fun of a girl who loves you?
it's so freakin ridiculous that you don't wanna lose a fan, so you keep it. then you say, "i'm just being nice. you know, to a friend." or even that lame line, "i dont wanna hurt her."

man, sorry to say, your blabbering is bullshit.

if you don't like her from the very beginning, show her
if you think that you might like her, but not yet. tell her.
if you like another girl, avoid her. never make a girl a second choice, or even worse, make her a back-up plan.
if you don't wanna hurt her, don't hold her when she wants to move on or makes some distance.
and yes, idiot. you can still be friends, dont use that as your reason. be a gentleman. grow up. don't take her for granted.

last, if you want a friendship for benefits thingy or relationship without status, fine. but discuss it with her, is she okay with that? are you guys ready for the risk? no authority, no right of being jealous, it's about freedom,  and stuffs like that?
think as a man, not a little boy. such a shame of your age, dude.

"never show that you kinda have a thing for a girl while actually you dont. 
it's unfair that you keep waving from the bottom of the cliff, but when she fall for you, you run away, dont have any intention to catch her at all." - Venus Aretha

P.S. don't get me wrong. this is not my story, just inspired by three friends, who weirdly experience same cases today. hopefully it's not with the same guy.

sorry, this post is in indonesian :)

WARNING: THIS ONE IS A LONG POST, AND YOU BETTER.. ah sudahlah, blog gue juga

anyway, gue membuat post ini sepenuh hati-jiwa-raga-dan-cinta *apasih*

oya, yang berhak ge-er cuma satu orang. sori hati gue kecil cuma muat satu cowok doang :)

aku ingin menceritakanmu sesuatu,


tentang kekaguman diam-diam, perasaan yang disembunyikan, sampai sempurnanya kepura-puraan.
tentang harapan, yang digantungkan sembunyi-sembunyi
tertawa geli membayangkannya jadi kenyataan.


tentang sentakan, disusul senyum beku yang terukir
dan air mata yang jatuh, menyadari aku sudah melangkah terlalu jauh
sementara aku tidak diperlukan lagi di perjalanan itu


dapatkah kau mendengar seruan bisuku?
saat malam luruh ke bumi dan bebukitan menghitam di kejauhan
tinggal bintang harapan yang berpendar temaram dalam genggaman


pernahkah kau rasakan panggilan serakku?
ketika ku hanya bisa mengasihi aksara demi aksara dengan rindu-redam yang kupelajari diam-diam
lalu menelan keheningan atas mimpi-mimpi yang berjatuhan dan berserak


adakah kau tersentuh senandung serpihan hatiku?
yang mengantarkan merpati menyongsong ufuk sang matahari
dan rintik hujan Februari jadikan jarakmu hanya sejangkauan


sudahkah kukatakan padamu, wahai perampok kecil?
kembalikan hatiku.

22-12-09

dan waktu yang sangat mencintai ironi itu,
mengejarmu dengan rodanya, siap menggilas
maka tiba-tiba kau berada di posisi yang sangat kubenci itu, kebimbangan itu
tidak sayang, siapapun tidak mau menjadi pilihan



apa yang akan kau lakukan jika kau temukan batas langit?
dimana gemintang berpijar akan membeku, dan hatimu yang bersalju justru akan meleleh
dan kau tersadarkan


selalu ada dua sisi yang berbeda, selalu ada dua pilihan yang menyesatkan atau membebaskan
ada sentuhan yang melengkapi, dan ada jarak yang menjauhkan


hingga kau mengerti
bahwa, satu cerita menggenapimu, tapi dua malah akan membunuhmu
bulan yang menanti papasannya dengan matahari yang dipujanya meski hanya beberapa detik
dan bulan yang begitu mencintai bumi, hangatkan malam dengan pelukan sinarnya
tapi bila mereka bertemu, gerhanalah yang terjadi


kau ada di persimpangan, satu jalan menuju gurun, satu menuju kutub, berjalanlah lurus dan temukan hutan musim semimu.

28-03-10

sejenak kupikir hidupku sudah mereda,
badai sudah pergi, bahkan riak kecilpun tiada
aku ada di jalanan diam yang kuimpikan, namun semakin lama aku tertelan dalam kebosanan

lalu waktu yang tidak mengenal belas kasihan itu,
kembali menghantui dengan sahabat barunya,
jarak.
mereka berlarian, membatasi, membelenggu, namun kadang juga mengeratkan.

kita kelimpungan.
mencoba bertumpu pada apapun, sementara bisikan itu tetap berkeras mengesalkan,
"yang harus kalian lakukan hanyalah berpegangan tangan."

maaf sayang, lagi-lagi yang kulakukan hanyalah memperumit situasi
aku bertahan, mati-matian, untuk tetap mempertahankan kita di lembar yang sama
meskipun kau bersikeras menuju halaman selanjutnya
kau menatapku putus asa, tak paham.
sama, aku membisikkan, aku juga sama bingungnya

maka inilah kita, menentang senja di ujung detik yang lelah
saksikan pagi siang meredup berganti malam datang memeluk
lalu menonton drama bintang berpendar pas-pasan masih berusaha selimuti kota yang lebih gemerlap dengan lampu terang-indahnya
dan akhirnya pandangi kabut gelap lagi-lagi terenggut sinar pagi yang perkasa.

sedetik tetes embun menyapa pagi,
kita tersenyum. sama sama mengerti.

take a sip, people

Life is full of irony, isn't it?

When you do something good, almost no one remembers, but when you do a mistake, almost no one forgets.

When you shout, "Don't look!" Everybody looks, but when you say with excitement, "Hey, look! Look!" Just a few people turn around to where you pointed.

Or maybe, do you ever have those days when you tried to find something sooo bad, you searched it everywhere but nada. And what the f!! Few days later, or even few hours later, when you just sit there that thing annoyingly just appears like magic. (Hell yeah, this is from my personal experience xD)

When you bored, no one texts you. But when you're busy, your phone keeps beeping and ringing. Daa --"

Best enemies become best friends, best friends become enemies, lovely girlfriend or boyfriend suddenly becomes stranger, blah.

Oya, do you also experience some cases of my friends? they realize they love somebody when that person already left their life. Or just know how much they miss their ex just after broke up. And so.

Hey.

It happens to everyone. Not only you. Life is hard for everybody.

Again, and again. I won't be bored saying this.

People, EVERYBODY'S STRUGGLING!

Life is war for all, never think you're the only one who has the worst life ever. Never think you have the toughest problem. Never think yours is the most complicated. Or you already think that you prefer to die rather than live in this miserable world?

Bullshit. Nonsense!

Please, I know I can't tell y'all to be strong just like easy. I understand how crazy it feels, how bad it feels, how sad and how angry you are. But at least, again, if you read what I wrote on sidebar *and I hope you do* I just gonna repeat it again here. think it like this,

Will that shit matter anymore ten, five, even a year from now on?

Or even in some months? Weeks? Days?

Do you really think you won't be able to love anybody again in your lifetime? In your age here?

Well, come after me when you already smile laugh again with your new boo.

Do you really think an F in your paper gonna destroys all your bunch As and Bs?

Well, I'll take a picture with you when you graduated STILL as best student. I guarantee.

Do you still think that you deserve to die?

Then imagine the faces of your friends, family, co-workers, schoolmates, teachers, pets, even maybe stranger that you don't know their name. They DO care if you die.

What?

It happened to me once.

And now I'm ready to struggle in my life. With a new me. ME who doesn't want to end my life in any way except He already wants me in His side. Which means, at that day, I'm ready.

Ready to leave them with proud that I've done something for them, for myself.

But that day, is not today.

there's this guy ..

and frankly i'm soooo tired seeing his name this often.

soooo sick having those girls message me not because they wanna be friends with me but because they wanna dig infos about him.

also soooo bored having that kind of convo over and over again.

yes, when there came a day that we talked like usual.. not really usual though. we finally talked deep things face-to-face, not by phone or messages. and the way he talked about few common things before finally hit the jackpot in the end is kinda cute. unusual, but cute. i do love it when somebody ask me or say things to me frontally, honestly, but in such not too harsh way. haha who wants to be hurt anyway?

again when there came a day when something is said in such a, movielish way lol. with the wind blow, quiet-calm-situation and stuff. it's uhm, nice. i feel.. special. but really, does shattered pieces can be one again just after two-three conversations? It was ruined, and then blank for months. can we? in fact, seeing him now with his awesome life, I believe he does deserve someone who's right, and deserve him more than me. I know I said that words too much but really, lots of girls better than me you know --"

i dont wanna make wrong move again, my life ever be such an adventurous jungle just because i choose wrong decision. fun, but annoyingly frustrating.

now? how?
am I gonna start something all over again? from the top?

probably the sentence 'you can't get over somebody a hundred percent' is one of my favorite now. and my favorite question now is, why this time? it's a little too late.

however, late means late.

yeah I understand that we never know what tomorrow brings. we will never know if we don't try. I probably gonna regret this, maybe I let go somebody who's uhm, truly loves me? or love me a lot more than somebody that I secretly wait? I don't know.
those cliche thingy, right? you never know what you have until you lose them. but another cliche stuff also say we have to stop regretting past and worrying of our future too much. be thankful of today. solve today's problem immediately. then? surely, be happy.

I probably sound like really evil now, a selfish person, a stupid girl, and so. maybe I also hurt some people's feelings when they read this.

But to me, I just realize I overthink things. I overreact stuffs. I have to stop converting what ifs and do/decide something spontaneously perhaps? so i gotta back off. I'll 'bury' myself alone, kinda stay away from him and those dangerous people for awhile i guess.

i just wanna be with me and myself now. and ah yes, my stars. pure stars without heart shape. or probablyyyyy just probably, kinda silently waiting for somebody who's right to me this time. someone who has no buts. again, for this time. not gonna matter that too much cause it may be someone who I might gonna find his buts, or he's the one who find my buts someday. It's not like I'm gettin married or what, huh? haha how I miss childhood when im being purely 100% single. not thinking about guys, and those complicated shits.

hibernating.
starts now. now.

(nowplaying: john mayer - who says)

Who says I can’t get stoned?
Turn off the lights and the telephone
Me in my house alone
Who says I can’t get stoned?

Who says I can’t be free?
From all of the things that I used to be
Re-write my history
Who says I can’t be free?

It’s been a long night in New York City
It’s been a long night in Baton Rouge
I don’t remember you looking any better
But then again I don’t remember you

Who says I can’t get stoned?
Call up a girl that I used to know
Fake love for an hour or so
Who says I can’t get stoned?

Who says I can’t take time?
Meet all the girls on the county line
Wait on fate to send a sign
Who says I can’t take time?

It’s been a long night in New York City
It’s been a long night in Austin too
I don’t remember you looking any better
But then again I don’t remember you

Who says I can’t get stoned?
Plan a trip to Japan alone
Doesn’t matter if I even go
Who says I can’t get stoned?
Mmhmm

It’s been a long night in New York City
It’s been a long time since 22 16
I don’t remember you looking any better
But then again I don’t remember, don't remember you

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FRANCHY GIVANI!

so dear ..

YOU'RE ALREADY 17 !!! WOHOOOOOO  ❤

we may not chat everyday or thinkin of our times every single minutes,

but we already know that we care, we do care.

we may not have such bunch of photos of million hangouts 

but we already know how much we love each other

use your precious time wisely, spend it for something (or someone) worth it :p *you know who

stay happy, stay amazing, stay Vancans that i know

tho you're already perfect for me with ll your greatness and flawness i still wish you'll be a better person, girl, child, student and muslim.

may Allah always protect you and lighten your way.

p.s. semoga nggak cengeng lagi, lebih dewasa, lebih sabar, lebih pengertian, lebih ngga jelesan, moodnya ngga terlalu heboh naik turunnya, semoga tambah keren di sekolah nilai-nilainya tambah bagus-bagus PLUS berkurang malesnya, amiin amiin :D

*i already make this loooong sms text and send it at 12.00

and you know whaaaaat?

it wasnt sent.

because her number was 0853... in my phone. it's supposed to be +62853... since i send it from singapore x_x

so yeah, i was pissed off of myself buahahaha

our very first hangout, the first time we meet and we were like already being bestfriends for years :p

sutos, again :p well we love nyutos, aint we? :D

see how georgeous she is? *jealous* *envy* :p

with nadine. where? SUTOS! :))

we had such great great memories, sleepovers, cried on each other side, chats, laugh together, curhat moments

well i'm her bunda tho she's older than me huahahaha

we have BUNCH of other pictures, so do some photobox shoots, but it's not here T.T it's on my laptop in surabaya uurgh how i wish i can post that. and how i wish i can be there with her on her birthday! :((

well okay then.

soo last,

she loves Selena Gomez (well, after sleeping, eating, and cow stuffs :p)

xoxo, lots of love and hugs and kisses

your buncans :*

it's about one of my greatest star (:

SHABRINA DJAKI WAKID

the craziest, funniest, best. sister. ever. really, so many things happen, we have a bunch of unforgettable and irreplaceable stories. we're different. a lot. but no need to question how much we love each other :*

and by the way,

i miss her. so damn much.

that's why i make this post :D

ini foto pertama sesudah keluar dari smp hahaha justru malah pas smp kita ngga banyak punya foto :(  *belum narsis :p*

hell yeah :>

see how happy we are? :') :D

damn she's so pretty. je-a-lo-us.

a day before i leave, huks. *her phone camera*

yes dear, "without me. you're only aweso" is our principal :)

besties forever :) *my phone camera*

faaaiiiil hahahaha muka guee --"

makasih ya kak na ku sayaaang :* :* :*
thanks for keepin up with me, with my silly stories, with my pathetic dramas, with my childishness *tho maybe you're much more childish than me HAHAHA *kiddin dear :p
inget nggak sih dulu pas smp kita suka bahas segala sesuatu? mulai dari hal hal ga penting sampe pemikiran pemikiran dalem? tentang persahabatan, tentang hidup, tentang cinta, tentang Tuhan..
mulai dari bisa nginep bareng sampe musibah ATV :)))))
kalo kita lagi bareng tuh nggak ada abisnya obrolaaan yaampun gilak kangen kangen kangen :'
udah ah sampe bngung mau tulis apalagi saking banyaknya huks


"mau ntar kamu punya temen yang lebih keren dari aku, lebih cantik, lebih gila, lebih geje, lebih autis.. KAMU NGGAK BOLEH LUPAIN AKU!!!" - kak nay


never :')
i love you my laughter formula <3
sincerely,
your toxic :)

hei aku pengen damai

sama kamu.
iya, sama kamu. anak yang sebenernya bahkan nggak pernah aku kenal properly haha.

just, hoping someday we can talk about simple stuffs, forget all things, i dont know how you feel about him and i guess i dont care either. it's no longer my prob haha, my life's already full of dramas. and i'm so sorry for bein such a.. mmh, bitch maybe? cant think of any 'softer' word. i was just emotional, i know it's not a good reason. but yeah, that's it. i hope you'll get an awesome life since you're already awesome too. smart, friendly, what can i say?

sorry and thank you :)