that day is today

one day,

there'll be moment when glimpses of your life flash before your eyes

and all of sudden, you start thinking,

how many time you've spent wasting and waiting

how many chances you miss

how many unworthy people you let them stay

and how many people you let go yet you should've fight for them

you start realizing,

how many hours, or days, you spent procrastinating

how many weeks, or years, you spent doing something you hate

how much part of your life you spent pleasing and impressing people

how many time have you wasted?

to me, that day is today,

when i realized how long since i've been writing, doodling, when was the last time i create anything, really

how long i've stayed in my zone

how long i've been feeling safe and protected

how long i've been thinking it's okay to be lazy because others are also trapped comfortably in their laziness

this is a big world

there's just too much to discover,

people to meet,

opportunities to grab,

lessons to learn,

experiences to earn

photos to take,

friends to make,

i mean, you get the idea. i should start my day now, and you should too.

terlintas

jika manusia rajin mengasah hati, maka mereka akan menemukan bahwa

ada jawaban di dalam setiap pertanyaan,

ada harapan di sela-sela keputus asaan dan kecemasan,

dan solusi bisa ditemukan dalam masalah itu sendiri.

***

perlukah mengeluh, jika itu malah menumpuk emosi?

haruskah meratapi, bila itu sama saja menabur minyak ke dalam api?

dan apalah pentingnya menuntut dimengerti, jika pada akhirnya hanya akan dikasihani?

Cinta, Tuhan, Hidup dan Sampah

The best things in world will never be definable. Cinta dan Tuhan misalnya. Mengutip kata Dewi Lestari,

Pengalaman, bukan penjelasan. Perjalanan, bukan tujuan. Pertanyaan, yang sungguh tak berjodoh dengan segala jawaban.

Atau hidup. Ah, ini topik favorit saya.

Saya bisa saja mengatakan bahwa tidak ada sperma yang terpilih dan terseleksi lalu menjadi percuma. Tidak. Kamu tidak diciptakan sia-sia, kamu diciptakan untuk menjadi sesuatu. Kamu berharga, bukan sekedar satu dari enam milyar jiwa. Dan Tuhan, begitu cintanya padamu. Dia memastikan jantungmu tetap berdetak.. sementara kamu? Siapa sih kamu? Kamu bahkan lebih kecil dari debu antariksa, siapapun bisa meninggal setiap harinya, kenapa bukan kamu? Kenapa sesudah kamu berbuat dosa, atau sesuatu yang mengesalkan Tuhan, Ia tidak langsung mencabut nikmatNya yang dititipkan padamu? Atau sekalian saja, nyawamu?
Lalu perlahan, kamu bisa saja akan makin bersyukur. Lalu perlahan kamu mungkin merasa terinspirasi dan berterima kasih. Dan cepat atau lambat, terbentuk di benakmu bahwa saya adalah seseorang yang baik dan positif.

Lalu bagaimana ketika saya mengatakan bahwa Tuhan kita adalah penulis di sebuah buku cerita bernama realita. Dia akan mengatur setiap jengkal langkah dan setiap huruf yang keluar dari mulut maupun tangan kita. Dia akan menetapkan dengan cermat seluruh sebab dan akibat, memberikan peran tanpa berdiskusi, si A akan menjadi tokoh antagonis, si B adalah si tertindas, dan si C adalah sang pahlawan. Pada tanggal ini, jam ini, di tempat ini, kamu akan tergoda Iblis dan melakukan perbuatan yang tak termaafkan, lalu sepuluh hari kemudian kamu akan meninggal tanpa sempat bertaubat, dan kamu akan masuk neraka.
Seems.. Unfair? Lah, mau protes sama siapa? Orang kita cuma ciptaan, buatan, harus tunduk sama Bos dari segala Bos dong.
Sampai di poin ini, alismu akan mulai berkerut, kamu mulai berpikir dua kali untuk berkunjung lagi di blog ini, dan jelas, citra positif itu pudar sama sekali.

Saya, atau siapapun juga, cuma bisa berteori. Bisa, bahkan bukan berarti berhak.
Hidup cuma bisa dijalani sebaik-baiknya dengan terus melihat ke depan.
Dan dimengerti sebaik-baiknya dengan sesekali melihat ke belakang.
Kamu adalah pencipta definisimu sendiri. Kamu berhak memasukkan kata sifat 'Tidak Adil', 'Menyebalkan', 'Ironis', 'Penuh Kejutan', bahkan 'Sempurna'.
Kamu juga yang akan memilih sikap apa yang akan kamu pakai untuk menghadapinya. Keras dan ambisius? Tegar dan menomorduakan perasaan? Menganalisa setiap tindakan? Menikmati setiap jengkal hidup -lagi, definisikan sendiri soal ini- atau mengalir seperti air?

Kamu boleh memilih menjadi orang yang sepenuhnya baik, sepenuhnya jahat, setengah-setengah, atau menentukan sifatmu sesuai dengan apa yang kamu hadapi. Dan kamu bisa memilih. Tidak ada orang yang terlahir dengan hati kapas atau batu. Semua soal proses dan penerimaan.

Ah ya, jika saya boleh memberi sedikit saran, -saran yang sudah jelas tidak saya lakukan tapi tetap saya rekomendasikan. 
Minimalkan menceritakan sesuatu pada orang lain, apalagi berulang-ulang.
Terutama masalah, bahasa saya: sampah.
Jika sampah itu ternyata ringan, orang akan menganggapmu lemah. Lebay, bahkan.
Jika sampah itu ternyata berat, orang akan menganggapmu mencari perhatian.
Lebih parah, mensyukuri hal itu.

Bahkan menceritakan kebahagiaan? Wah, ada ribuan pencemburu di luar sana kawan. Dan kalaupun ada pendengarnya, percayalah, mereka cepat bosan.

Saya termasuk seseorang yang sering menyampah, padahal saya tau saya lebih dari mampu untuk mendaur ulangnya terlebih dulu. I'm working on that now, actually. Karena saya bercerita way way too much.
Tapi mungkin, dengan mengenal saya, kamu bisa sedikit lebih bersyukur? Mungkin kamu nggak selebay saya, atau kamu bukanlah attention-whore kurang kerjaan yang menulis hal semacam ini di internet, atau kamu merasa tidak semenyedihkan saya, atau entahlah, sedikit banyak ada yang bisa dipelajari dari spesies ini?

Last, I want you guys to know that,
Everybody is struggling.
Semua orang berjuang.
Semua orang bertahan hidup.
Semua orang mempunyai perang yang harus, atau ingin, mereka menangkan.

Entah hal ini patut disadari, disyukuri, atau hanya pengingat bahwa kamu nggak sendiri.
KAMU adalah yang mendefinisi, memilih, menjalani, dan menentukan apapun yang ada di hidupmu.

Good luck with yours, wish me luck with mine.

Sup?

Had an interesting day, including random condom appearance, tons of inspiring photos taken for my artwork and an A++ grade.

But still. Deep deep inside.

It's emptiness.

No, nothingness. A real, pure, highly concentrated nothingness.

41472196 seconds.. And still counting..

No, it's not about how long I been with someone or anything. Sorry to disappoint you guys.

(i know it's been awhile since my last post in this blog. I don't feel like blogging lately, but uh. I kinda need a place where i can put all my mind without being judged. Well, paper seems a bit boring because they dont talk to you nor answer your question though. And yes, i'm aware that i can't really assume my readers will always love every single posting of mine, but still, i feel safer here).

I'm posting from Singapore by the way, it's almost my 16th month here. That's what I'm about to talk about. Confused? Me too.

There's some part of me that changed, definitely. I didn't censor my F word with stars anymore like I did a year back, that's one. I still censor my B word though, sometimes..

My English got a lot better but fyeah alhamdulillah I still keep my indonesian-american accent. Sorry, but singlish is just not cool.

I've improved my cooking skill as well! Thanks to Laura Vitale, Gordon Ramsay, Chef John, What's For Lunch Honey and Dessert For Breakfast :3 I've learn lots of new dishes, especially Italian and British. I'll put some recipes and step-by-steps someday, promise ^^ and oh I'm too lazy to put up any links, that's what google are for, yes?

i've made lots of new friends, awesome ones, 'different' ones, annoying ones, you name it. Got chances to get to know some inspiring people as well (:

I've been through my hard times. When i started losing faith, postponed and even missed some of my prayers without feeling guilty. I broke my promise to my parents to continuously reciting Quran everyday, fall asleep without praying, and stuff like that. Thank God I'm still pork-free. However, I've become myself again these days, looking forward to be better too actually, let's see how it goes.

Another hard time is when I dont feel I'll ever find a true friend here. Just so you know, to me, it's still Indonesians who have have the best sincere smile among the others. No matter if they're javanese, chinese, they will be true to you. I've tried involving myself to their conversation and it really is difficult to keep up with them for more than half an hour without talking about others. In bad way, yes.
At first I thought Singaporeans are very individual, cuek, and just minding their own business only. That might be true in some ways, where they will be busy on their phones, not paying attention to their surroundings, even if there's some unusual case (like when there's a guy with very huge blue kribo hair enter the MRT or when I took off my 15cm heels after wearing it for almost 7 hours on my way home -it feels good to walk barefoot! I should try it more often!) people will only give it a glance and then look away. Quite frankly, I'm surprised people give no damn about those stuffs, but when it's actually about their friends.. Whoa. They can talk about anything, their sense of fashion, their 80's haircut, their not so fair skin, their pimples, anything. And don't pull that bullshit to me that i still can be good friends with them ignoring that fact. i do know what kind of reaction these people expect. Definitely not answers like, "Hahaha, i don't know.. i don't think she's that weird actually.." or "hehe, umm.. Don't you think it's kinda mean?"
No. Just No.

Indonesian friends.. Yes our people are still the best. At least I can laugh with them, being silly and goofy together, talk about simple things in our daily life, movies, songs, admit some weird fact about me, until share deep thoughts. I found some people that truly mean a lot to me. The awesomeness we share are priceless and I never regret that. However, I do have to adapt with them as well though. I'm a typical house person. I dont hang out much, actually, and i'm not really into malls. I prefer some kind of real refreshing like adventuring around, or go into some really new places and take pictures, watching people, write and sketch something about it, and getting inspired. Moreover, I'm the only kid in my family, so my mom and dad are quite protective. I have to be home by 9 or less than that. My mom even sometimes still reluctant to allow me to go out with friends, even only go out for lunch or movies. Well yeah, just my mom being a mom.
Anyway, living in Singapore totally change that. I've went out til late, til morning sometimes. In some occassions i did enjoy that, because i did have a good time. But there are some of them that i sort of regret because it's just not worth my time. I din't even put my whole self there. I was staying only to be polite, or because I want them to think I'm that kind of 'fun' person. Yeah, that was stupid. Nevermind, I learn my lesson.

What else? Damn, this is a freakin long post. And even worse, I posted it from my iPad because my laptop is having trouble with its wifi adapter or something, haven't repaired it yet. Why is it worse? because I can't upload any picture except I inserted the URL -which for that it's still need to be uploaded, duh. And I'm not an apple person anyway, so, yeah, I dont find this thing is that magnificient or anything.

So, that's about it. I'm feeling a lot better now. Overall, I did not regret my decision to move here, there are some positive side though, like me being more independet, get to know 9gag, visiting some awesome places and finding lots of cute stuffs I didnt find in Indonesia, being a tour guide, and oh for real I did not regret anything at all okay? I just want to be graduated as soon as possible and leave this country As Fucking Soon As Possible.
I'm sure i'm not gonna bother missing it tho, maybe just the freedom, and MRT, and the internet connection.
And Desigual.
And the distros, maybe?

See, look at me and my funny brain.

fictional.

seperti selotip yang ternoda sidik jari,
seperti jejak sepatu di adonan semen, sedetik sebelum ia mengering,
"sebelum dan sesudah kehadiranmu tidak akan sama," katamu.

"kau baik-baik saja sebelumnya," sahutku tenang, membantah.
"jadi, kau akan tetap baik-baik saja tanpaku."

kau menatapku sekilas, "begitu, dan kau juga akan menjalani hidupmu seperti biasa."
pernyataan itu terdengar seperti pertanyaan untukku.
dan aku benci pertanyaan.

karena kau, aku, sama-sama tahu jawabannya.

things I adore recently

1. great fonts, especially handwriting (i love these pretty stuffs) and retro ones (this source is awesome).
2. colorful batik and tribal patterns. i never knew batik can be this colorful and candy-ish before :D (i heart her :'>)
3. soft-baked cookies. for those who never tasted it, it's kind of cookie, but not crunchy. it's like, so-so fudge brownie-ish, cake-ish, and cookies-ish, but it's just better.
4. demilked.com
5. catchy songs in various languages (..these!)
6. Nestle® Bliss yoghurt drink, especially apple-kiwi flavor :3
7. something pretty to see, but not really usable and edible (to me) like cute cupcakes and friendship bracelets maybe someday i'll be able to make it and find perfect style to wear it ♥

tell me yours! :)

liberté

..or freedom, in english.

i gotta say life is wonderful, love is wonderful.

family, friends, guys, all are wonderful.

and relationship? are wonderful as well.

but once we create that bond, -or someone created that for us and we can't say no- and commit ourselves to whatever or whoever it is, we have to -much or less- sacrifice this one.

one does not simply live by their own, aren't they? *heck yes, i'm a 9gagger.

however, being far from your family and old friends, also being single, aint all pathetic. trust me.

you'll have the chance to breath.

you'll have the chance to think.

you'll have the chance to learn new things.

you'll have the chance to plan.

you'll have the chance to create.

and most importantly,

you'll have the chance to miss everything you were missing out.

still,

saya betul atau benar?

generasi kita adalah generasi malas berpikir,
dimana seorang ibu bisa-bisanya menyerahkan pertanyaan "besok masak apa?" kepada pembantunya,
dimana seorang bos bisa-bisanya berkata, "ah itu kan bukan urusan saya, masa saya mikirin gituan?"
dimana tersisa seorang murid yang tidak bisa menyerahkan 'tugas berpikir' kepada siapapun lagi, dan berakhir akan mencintai seluruh kesempatan dimana ia bisa beristirahat dari proses berpikir.


perlahan tapi pasti, kemampuan kita dalam memutuskan sesuatu akan menurun, mulai menghindari memikirkan hal-hal yang menurut kita remeh dan (lagi, menurut kita) tidak berperan banyak bagi hidup kita. perlahan tapi pasti kita kehilangan abilitas kita merumuskan masalah menjadi pernyataan dan mencari solusi dengan cepat.


salah siapa?
kita terbiasa disuapi dengan jawaban-jawaban untuk dihafal bukan permasalahan untuk dipecahkan. dan (sebenarnya) kita menjadi keenakan karenanya.
jadi? salah guru kita? guru kita juga terbiasa disodori kurikulum oleh departemen pendidikan yang akan mengatur semuanya, mulai dari buku sampai sistem pendidikan. seluruh kreativitas terpaksa ditahan -dimana akan diprotes oleh sekitar enam persen populasi guru kita, tapi diterima dengan syukur oleh sisanya. para malas berpikir.


even now, a blogger can't always be considered as a writer. seseorang bisa saja hanya membuat akun, memilih template, dan hanya mencari sumber-sumber dari internet lalu klik kanan. tipikal, saudara-saudara. terimalah, budaya copas sudah nyaris legal.


berlatihlah untuk lebih produktif, less 'retweeting' and start to think with your own mind. retweet nggak cuma berlaku di dunia twitter aja sebenernya, terus-terusan mengekor di pendapat orang lain dan hanya menjadi voters ketimbang pencetus ide juga merupakan salah satu akar budaya males mikir ini. beberapa hari lalu saya membaca tweet yang sebenarnya kelihatan normal -lucu malah-

"bitch, please. it's 2012. can we get some waterproof phone? i'd love to text during shower."

tapi jika dipikir lagi, pertama itu menunjukkan betapa parah level kecanduan generasi kita terhadap handphone. serius, emang kita bener-bener sebutuh itu sampe hape harus nempel 24/7 di jemari kita? man, we're just so pathetic.


kedua, well why should wait for somebody to start making it and we just gonna applause for them? kenapa nggakpernah terlintas untuk mulai bikin atau seenggaknya mengembangkan ide itu dengan lebih proper? yep. terlalu nggak mungkin. males. nggakpunya waktu. bikin hape? are you kidding me?


gini ini nih cara berpikir remaja zaman sekarang. pernah sekali waktu lagi makan bareng temen saya mencetuskan, "aduh bener-bener deh ya tren di surabaya ini lambat banget. masa harem pants aja belum 'in' sih? di jakarta aja udah bejibun yang make." guess what? lusanya waktu hangout lagi, salah satu temen lain di circle itu make harem pants plus body fit shirt yang imut banget. with bangles and quirky heels, dia sukse menarik perhatian dan temen sayapun sukses keki berat. salah siapa ngebocorin ide ke orang lain, ya nggak?


setelah dipikir-pikir saya juga males mikir konsisten, tadinya berniat pake bahasa indonesia full -eh tetep aja kecampur campur sama inggris --"
daaaan setelah dipikir-pikir kayaknya saya emang kebanyakan mikir deh sampe bikin post ginian O.o


okelah, saya mau siap-siap ngampus dulu. have a nice day, fellas! stay upbeat!

i need new goals.

ah it's been awhile. sorry for my followers, and sorry for those who already left their footprints, i'll get my ass there *on your blogs, i mean, dont take it seriously wrongly* as soon as i have spare time. thanks for visiting, by the way, i'm honored. rly :)

what's new? i just started my new term 2 days ago and i have good feeling about this, thank god. and yah, so far i keep my promises and also keep making new ones, i need to be a better person. for real. better moslem, better child, better student, better girl, better friend, better team mate, better worker -ah ya, i work on some projects, wish me luck xD-

i just wanna share something, 2 years ago, i was really inspired by a blog of one of my senior. and i promise myself: i'll make a blog and make it as good as hers. i created blogger account, customize it, keep it updated, promote it to friends, write some good stuffs, join some bloggers club such as #KK -and met inspiring people there-, until now, i got more followers than her *alhamdulillah* and look what i've done to this blog? neglect it. and so so sorry about that, i promise i'll write more, both in english and indonesian.

i mean, at first i'm kinda proud of myself, and realize that i need some motivation to keep growing, new challenges, new tests, new competitors maybe, i can't get motivated only by myself. however, because my 2011 has been great, i met lots of new awesome friends -and guys, got new unforgettable experiences, got what i always wanted: freedom. i started to enjoy my life to the fullest, started to love myself for who i am, being grateful, and don't give a damn about other people's life.

is it good? abso-freakin-lutely.
but then i think i get kinda decreased, i mean, my skill, energy, creativity, innovation, all those good things i used to have when i actually have a goal.

just few days ago, i found a blog of an indonesian student schooling in singapore. she is a writer, a fuckin good writer, i'm not bullshitting. her vocabs, her tone, gosh i'm jealous to death. and she also reads. great books, which also totally inspires me a lot.

and there she is, a new idol -if i may say- a new inspiration even though i dont know her personally, never met her before but she friends with lots of friends of mine. what can i say? her popularity is undebatable.
should i make a new goal, to be a better writer in english, learn more and more and more vocabularies, start to really work on my grammar since my english isn't good enough yet (my english stays in mediocre level compared to my friends here in Singapore, you know, dont say that i'm exaggerating things). and yeah, i also have some other people to look up to, i got a super smart friend from India -seriously, remembering him and all of his A+ helps me a lot to study more and reach better scores (i still got some Bs, wish me luck again).

it's almost the end of 2nd month of 2012, and i havent reach anything yet except i spend more time with my family and start to love them more *which for me, it's quite an achievement. i'll read more good books, write more, spend time on internet browsing thru websites that are actually resourceful, pray more, smile and laugh more, and finding out who i am because i'm not quite sure yet.

sorry for the long post, but hey,
i'm totally ready.

kalo dikasih judul ntar norak

aku ingin mengenalkan kalian pada beberapa orang penting. semoga, akan selalu penting. nama? nah yang itu, tidak penting :) you guys know who you are.

pada dasarnya kami hanya lima orang di dua meja yang disatukan, beberapa gelas kopi, dan obrolan. bergiliran satu demi satu dari kami menjadi poros, dan terkadang kami dengan sukarela terpisah menjadi dua grup. simpel karena perbedaan kata. perbedaan cerita. lalu bersatu lagi dengan tawa. tanpa rasa bersalah, tanpa ada yang harus meminta maaf ataupun dimaafkan.

dari mereka, aku belajar.
tentang teori dan teknik fotografi yang kadang hanya mampu aku dengarkan tanpa satupun terserap.
tentang judul-judul buku menarik yang dengan sigap aku catat, tanpa tau kapan akan kubaca.
tentang ketegasan dalam memilih, yang kadang membuatku merenung sendiri.
tentang agama dan toleransi.
tentang pentingnya tertawa dan sekali-sekali melanggar peraturan. bahwa nakal, memang ada waktunya.
tentang cinta, semi tabu dibahas, wajib ditertawakan. tapi dibalik itu semua, kita sama-sama memetik makna.

akhirnya, sebuah pertanyaan yang tak pernah terjawab, kembali terlontar malam ini: apa bedanya mempertahankan cinta dalam persahabatan dengan mempertahankan persahabatan dalam cinta?
cerita yang klise, kan? bukan basi lagi, sudah busuk dan siap dipaket untuk dikirimkan ke setiap naskah dasar novel atau sinetron. tipikal.

padahal, seperti cinta yang abstrak, persahabatan juga tak berdefinisi.

mungkin, persahabatan tidak memerlukan drama yang menyertai.
mungkin, persahabatan sebenarnya tidak butuh janji.
mungkin, persahabatan sesungguhnya tidak perlu dipikirkan terlalu serius, hanya dijalankan dengan santai, dan ternyata ia bukan main-main.

bisa jadi ia hanya sesimpel meja, kopi dan obrolan.
atau selugas-jujur, "woi! gue bosen! entertain gue dong!"
atau sesederhana, "gila, makasih banget ya udah dengerin gue."

atau cuma dengan sebuah pelukan.
pelukan mendadak sambil tertawa dan loncat-loncat senang,
pelukan singkat dengan tepukan menegarkan di punggung,
pelukan dengan usapan lembut yang menenangkan isakan,
sampai pelukan erat dan lama yang enggan dilepaskan.


sesungguhnya, persahabatan itu mudah. karena itu, ia indah.

ketika cowok berbicara :) -lanjutan post bawah

dari sebegitu seringnya saya ngeliat temen-temen cewek saya yang membuat blogpost untuk para cowok mereka, bagaimana mereka mensyukuri setiap inci perhatian yang diberikan cowoknya, harapan-harapan untuk cowoknya, intinya, I thought it's only girls who writes about boys, it could be in anywhere: blog, twitter updates, facebook status (duh!) tapi ternyata enggak. there's some boys who do cherish every moment they spend with their girlfriend -or even just girls they love secretly ..i'm so sorry for you friendzoned guys, i really do :(

sebuah renungan tentang hidup

Aku ingat ketika beberapa tahun yang lalu, seorang guru berkoar di hadapan murid-muridnya, kami, tentang pentingnya menjadi pintar,

agar membahagiakan orang tua? kami belum peduli.

supaya bisa mendapat pekerjaan yang bagus? apalagi.

"Biar hidupmu nanti berguna!" satu kalimat itu menyentuhku.

baru menyentuh saja.

Tapi aku jadi mulai bermimpi tentang menjadi dokter untuk menyembuhkan orang-orang sakit,

atau menjadi arsitek supaya bisa mendesain rumah-rumah keren untuk mengindahkan Indonesia, --serius, aku pernah mikir begitu.

mungkin juga jadi guru biar nanti bisa memberi murid-muridku nilai yang bagus,

atau setidaknya menjadi ibu yang pintar supaya anakku juga nanti pintar.

Beberapa waktu kemudian, seseorang menasehatiku tentang pentingnya menghargai orang lain, memperhatikan hal-hal kecil -mungkin pengemis tua di ujung jalan yang memang butuh atensi kita, atau sekedar bunga yang baru mekar sekedar menjadi suntikan semangat di pagi hari, juga mensyukuri hal-

agar kembali dihargai? dipuji mungkin? ah buat apa. buang-buang waktu.

agar semakin bersyukur pada Tuhan? ..aku tidak merasa aku sereligus itu. belum.

"ya supaya hidupmu ada artinya dong! you've missed a lot of things!"

satu kalimat itu membuatku tertegun.

sebuah jeda yang cukup panjang,

membuatku berpikir, menciptakan janji-janji dan rencana-rencana baru pada diriku sendiri.

aku sangka aku sudah siap menjadi seorang Venus Aretha yang baru.

Keunyuan (?)

klise sebenarnya. ini adalah kisah tentang Cowok, Cewek, dan sesuatu yang disebut dengan Keunyuan. banyak variabel tambahan yang nantinya akan menjadi figuran, bahkan tiba-tiba menjadi pemeran utama di kisah ini juga -kandidat terkuat adalah sesuatu yang bernama Kegalauan. kenal kan?



anyway, siapa Keunyuan sebenarnya?
dia adalah.. sesuatu yang menggemaskan, tapi sebenarnya meresahkan.
sesuatu yang bikin lo speechless, nggaktau mau ngapain, but not in a bad way.
sesuatu yang buat gue, selalu pengen gue hindarin, tapi nggak bisa. too irresistible. too unyu.


oke, bingung? begini..

get it together. stop judging.

Society's standards are fucked.

You eat, you're fat. You don't eat, you're a freak anorexic wannabe. You drink, you're an alcoholic. You don't drink you're a pussy. You're reserved and quiet, you're emo. You're open and expressive, you're attention hungry. You read, you're nerd. You don't read, you're stupid. You tell a secret, again you're an attention seeker. You don't tell a secret, you're still attention seeking. If you don't compliment yourself, you're actually begging for compliments. If you do compliment yourself, you're full of yourself and they say nobody cares. You're virgin by 17, you're doing something wrong, frigid lil bitch. You lose it by 17? What a whore, slut. If you're unique, you're weird. If you're normal, you're boring.

See? You can't please everyone.

Ever.

So be what you wanna be. Do things you think it's right to do. And seriously, don't give too much damns.

you wear a pink glittery heels you're a show-off bitch? barbish paris hilton wannabe? some stupid rich blonde who never care of their society? some pretty face who likes to mock and ditch other girls? some mommy's girl who never get hurt?


seriously. even a shoe can make thousands stereotype.

*btw i'm in love with helvetica. thinking of start posting using that font from now on.

about something

life is ironically funny.

one of my favorite line ever.

there i was thinking for taking a rest.

not gonna make any stupid decision anymore or hurting anybody, or even worse, hurt myself.

but then there is this thing.

something that could be too right, but more impossible, it's too wrong.

in the end,
we only regret the chances we didnt take
the relationship we were afraid to have
and the decision we waited too long to make. 

but, somehow i think i just say that quote because it sounds kinda cool 0.0 (doesnt it? no? lol, okay)

i cant say that it's whole true because at the same time,

why would i wanna be in a relationship while i still have that single personality?

why would i begin to think to be with someone if i'm not sure whether i really want it, and whether he really wants it?

why would i wanna start something, when i'm not ready?

life is ironically funny,

just before i press the 'publish post' button, i saw a tweet.

one of the greatest quote from the brilliant Mark Twain,

twenty years from now on you'll be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did.

...
off to bed.
night (:

#life 1

seorang anak lelaki berjalan dengan buku-buku pelajaran di tasnya. sesekali dibenahinya kacamata tebal yang bertengger di atas hidungnya. tidak jarang ia bersungut, sepulang les malam ini masih ada setumpuk PR juga ulangan harian besok yang harus ia persiapkan.
ketika ia melewati gardu yang dipenuhi remaja tanggung seusianya sedang duduk sambil merokok dan main catur, ada yang main kartu. ia mendengus dalam hati, mencemooh sekaligus iri. mencemooh karena ia yakin ia memiliki masa depan jauh lebih cerah dari mereka. iri karena ia tidak memiliki waktu lagi untuk berkumpul dengan teman-temannya. bahkan, ia tertegun sendiri, apakah aku memiliki teman?
Entah apa yang menyeret langkahnya, ia mendekati kerumunan itu. Berdialog. Dan tertegun lagi,
"Gue nggak pernah benci hidup, meskipun hidup sucks banget, tapi seenggaknya gue punya hal-hal berharga. Gue punya temen-temen gue, gue punya cewek gue, dan ortu gue, biar brengsek, seenggaknya gue punya ortu. Gue juga nggak pernah benci Tuhan. Lo tau, sebengal-bengalnya gue, biar gue bajingannya kayak apa, gue tau Tuhan baik. Gue tau dia maha pemaaf, maha penyayang. Buktinya dia nggak langsung nyabut nyawa gue waktu gue bikin dosa. Dia masih mau-maunya bikin jantung gue berdetak .. Masih mau ngatur nafas gue .."

Deg!

:"

i always feel like eventhough I try to wipe it, I try to make things clearer, it's still blurred anyway..

the content is temporarily (or permanently) deleted by the author

:/

taken from Sailormoon Scene (anybody watch this movie?)

  

***

wow

"Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It's an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. It's a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing." 
— David Beckham