traces of words in Madinah

I am aware that I am not
the best muslimah aloud
and I am certain that I have not
done my best to make Them proud

but for the very least
there is about one thing I know to be irrefutable
that The One I miss the most
misses me back in all ways possible

the most influental man of earth
according to a book.
simply The Messenger,
stated firmly by another book.

the most loving, selfless, kind human being

in my, and other millions of people's opinion

a celebrity to some,
as they kissed the brass radiators by His tomb,
slapping their faces, wailing
chanting His name in loudness competing with some rock concert
scratching the dividers that keep them few meters away from His grave

a Prophet to others,
as we spoke our salams and prayed for him
silently.

because I know Allah heard us
And our beloved Nabi smiled answering our salams
because I am way too embarrassed
to ask for a lot, since I am already given more than deserved

I wept.
If They hadn't forgiven me,
Why would They allow me in His house, His mosque, His altar?
Perhaps I am not such a disappointment afterall.


See you soon, Rasulullah.

Madinah, Hajj 2014